Prelude

There Are Always Problems . . . and There Are Always Solutions

"There are always problems . . . and there are always solutions." So spoke one of my favorite faces in TV Land, Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) in Weeds. Granted, I'm not dealing dime bags of illicit substances on the streets of my little suburban world, but I always respected the woman's sense of logic. And, in the last few days, her one-liner in Season Two has become epic to me.

As Americans, we have forever faced challenges. And, as Americans, we have always overcome them. Even before November 8, 2016, I watched bitterness and brutality of spirit consume people like I've never seen it do so before . . . during both televised debates and Facebook exchanges between people who were once friends. Then, on November 8, it was as if what began as a tide pool of ill will morphed into more. It was like a wave of utter insanity was unleashed that far superseded any single political candidate or party. 

To be clear, I was with her. I was proud and excited to line up at my local polling place before the sun had risen. And then I was shocked and more than a bit dismayed when I watched CNN carve up the map of our country into alternating slices of red and blue. Finally, feeling defeated, I shuffled off to bed on November 8. 

When my alarm rung on November 9, 2016, my fist instinct was that I had woken up in a different world. Not even because Trump had been elected--and, to be further clear, I'm still not a fan. But I'm not going to wish him failure because I won't cut off my nose to spite my face. This is still my country, and it's a country my father won a Purple Heart defending in the Vietnam War. It's a country that is more than a melting pot; to me, "melting pot" implies a hodgepodge mess. America is no mess (at least in the respect I'm about to describe) . . . call it a tapestry or a constellation or whatever analogy you choose. But the multitude of diverse pieces and players are what make MY America make sense to me. 

So, on November 9, it seemed as if someone had taken a scissors to my tapestry or cracked the lens on my telescope. Now, before someone jumps in and asks me how I can blame every vile thought or deed on one man, let me tell you--I don't. I do believe that he set a stage upon which people felt growing ease unveiling all their inner fears and prejudices. Whether he intended to or not, he went from being a man on a political mission to someone standing at floodgates that had formerly kept all this ugliness at bay. Well, from what I can deduce this past week, the floodgates were suddenly thrust open: https://twitter.com/i/moments/796417517157830656.

What to do? Here, as a mother of six children (ages one to nearly twelve), I had this "problem." Of course, I know some of the hideous ideals highlighted in the tweets above existed long before Trump or Clinton duked it out. But now those ideals were more than guilty secrets people kept hidden because they didn't want to seem racist or homophobic or misogynistic or just plain ignorant. Now they were out there in the open, flying on freak flags at full mast. What was the "solution"? How would Nancy B. handle this one?

Well, there was Option #1: The idea of fleeing. I'd heard friends talk about Canada, Australia, and Ireland. For a few hours, I considered hopping across the pond. (Okay, I haven't abandoned the idea completely, but, at present, my life barely allows me to plan a vacation to a neighboring state, so . . . you do the math when it comes to relocating to London or the Lake District or the Moors.) Option Two: Good old Facebook. At first, I ranted, along with the best of FB users. Then I got serious and (IMHO) very, very profound. Still, though, I didn't really feel better. I was wasting Band-Aids on a boo-boo that was already beyond even stitches. Option #3: Sink into a deep, bottomless funk. Yeah, that sounded the most appealing after a while, but it wasn't all that viable. The six kids, husband, job, and three dogs part got in the way. 

I suspected there was another answer--something else to help me address the lack of control I suddenly felt in a world where the KKK was planning a march to celebrate an election, kids were chanting "Build the wall!" to their Hispanic and Latino/Latina classmates, and random groping had just (to some people) been rubber-stamped. And then, a few memes later, I'd found it!


Kindness Isn't Cliche

1) I'm a big believer in the idea (courtesy of Anne Frank) that people are basically more good than evil and the assertion (courtesy of Hugh Grant's character in Love Actually) that love actually is all around us. Dollars to donuts, countless random acts of kindness--as well as those that aren't so random--have shaped my life. They've endowed me with opportunities to succeed, have forced a smile on my face on days when I only want to scowl, and have, all cliches aside, restored my faith in humanity. More importantly, repeating to myself that kindness and love truly do exist (and are bigger than fear and hate) is my lifeline right now. 

2) It's also a reminder to me . . . and should be to everyone else: I can't control every bully or coward who's crawling out of the woodwork. What I do have power over is my reaction. We teach our kids to take a stand against bullies, so let's put our money where our mouth is. If we see discrimination or unkindness in action, let's stand up and say something.

3) What's better than being proactive? By their very nature, bullies and cowards lose their voice in a room full of kindness. It's a bit like opening the drapes as Count Dracula peeks out of the coffin. So it reasons that I have the ability to cut Count Dracula off at the knees. If I can perform (or blog about) even ONE act of kindness a day--one moment that makes someone feel more appreciated or supported or loved--that's one less moment in which hate can thrive.

4) Social media can be a game-changer, so why not use it to win? Why not share and spread the antithesis of the anger and angst that is gripping people on either side of dividing lines that separate us into political parties, marginalized groups, and segments of a country that can't afford to be carved up this way?

                                                                      
Drum Roll

That's where "this" comes in. I suck at New Year's resolutions, and I'll 'fess up; I'm a cheater as far as Lenten sacrifices go. But this is more than a resolution, and it shouldn't be a sacrifice. It's a legacy I want to leave my kids--proof that the people in this country of ours are already great. At the end of 365 days, I will have an electronic record of 365 acts of kindness--acts that show anyone who doesn't already get it what it truly means to be an American. Acts that reinforce how we value and respect people of all races, genders, religions, and ethnic backgrounds. Acts that cut off prejudice and mockery and hatred at their roots. Acts that demonstrate how my America is about values that are more influential than either candidates or members of the Electoral College--and certainly more remarkable than the terrible behavior of those individuals who are only truly terrified of themselves.


Caveat

I am not Little Miss Sunshine. I do not exude hearts and Xs and Os from my fingertips. I am not an idealist, and I have never used or abused hallucinogens. Actually, I'm a complete grouch unless you ply me with caffeine or put me on a beach somewhere. 

I am not going to ever deny that I believe Hillary Clinton would have made a much better president. I am not going to hide that I voted for her because I was damn proud to do it. Yet the intent of this project is not to magically beam her into the Oval Office or overthrow Donald Trump. It's not to inspire any further hatred or disdain for him. It's not meant to cast dispersion his way or to imply anything but the wish for America to thrive the next four years and forever. 

Here's what I am and here's what this is--I'm a voter who's supported candidates from both parties since I was old enough to cast a ballot. I'm a realist who understands that there's always a window, even if the doors in the room seem like they're locked. I'm a person who can proudly say that my friends herald from every gender, major world religion, and a wide variety of ethnic and racial backgrounds and sexual orientations. I'm a parent who has a child with a disability that doesn't ever deserve to be mocked any more than any other child. (And, thanks to a loving school and community, he rarely has been.) I'm a woman who has experienced some of the same unacceptable attitudes and behaviors that have been such a topic of discussion lately--but also a woman who is married to a man that exemplifies the same respect toward me that every man should show every woman. I'm a citizen of a nation that has come a long way over the years and that shouldn't lose that ground . . . ever, no matter who's in office. Finally, I'm a mother who wants her children to live in the country that amazing Americans ranging from the suffragists to MLK envisioned.  

I've already told you what this project is to me. What it is to you is what you make of it. I hope it will make you more aware of the incredible love and strength real Americans are capable of. I hope it will make you want to live a message that is an underlying theme of our rights and the truly remarkable people we are. You see, I believe Americans are already great. There are always problems, and, from what I can tell, kindness will always be part of the solutions we rely upon to overcome them. 


How the Project Will Work

Come hell, high water, or whatever exists in between, I will post a blog entry every day for the next 365 days, beginning tomorrow (Saturday, November 12, 2016). It will profile one act of kindness that shows how Americans conquer cruelty with compassion and eradicate ignorance with acceptance and decency. For example, I've recently found myself inspired by efforts within my children's school district. See http://york.elmhurst205.org/cms/news_item?d=x&id=1478856613758&group_id=1234751339457&return_url=1478927542720. I've not met our new principal at York, but, from my POV, what she's put into play is a perfect example of turning lemons into lemonade. York's new "Kindness Matters Campaign" is also a powerful way of saying that we, as a people, are better than some of the craziness that is happening in the world around us. 

So, feel free to share this blog--or simply celebrate the spirit of who we are and, to an extent, how simple the solution is.